EPA to Regulate Greenhouse Gasses…
Posted by Mike O on April 18, 2009
This means the EPA will be in the business of limiting… heavy breathing, sweatiness, and flatulence.
Are all of us fat, old coots in trouble! They’ll round us up and feed us into solar-powered tree shredders, turning us either into eco-friendly compost or an all-natural flavor ingredient to the new environmentally-neutral food stuff Soylent Green. Look for yellow tape around the local Mexican restaurants, as crews in full hazmat suits bring out the refried beans for proper disposal.
GlaxoSmithKline (which holds the key patent) becomes the fastest growing employer in the UK from the fact that American cattlemen are scurrying all over the countryside trying to dose their cattle with Beano (that is, until ‘burpless’ grass takes root; no joke.) GlaxoSmithKline’s U.S. units donate millions to the Democrats, even though they lose some of their gain from the 25% heavy-breathing/sweatiness tax on their Cialis product. Pzfizer losses on Viagra are more significant; that company donates millions to the GOP.
The last stage will result in trees being granted American citizenship, as eco-productive members of society; logging will be banned. Acorn will make sure they are all registered, down to the last sapling. Their absentee voting rate will be most impressive.
All joking aside, this action will likely result in the rapid migration of the last manufacturing businesses from the U.S. The coal industry will be destroyed and the petroleum industry taxed even heavier. All for the sake of a vain attempt to reduce the 3.4% of the 3.6% of ‘greenhouse gases (the CO2) we might be responsible for; the part that is biologically active and controlled by vegetation. The EPA has declared plant food as dangerous pollutant. Wait until they try to control water vapor.